Thinking about life changes.....

My son graduated from Ohio State a couple of weeks ago and have been working dilligently on a picture video for his grad party this weekend. That project started me on a journey thru the last 23 years and seeing how our little family grew up as well as older.

I so enjoyed looking thru hundreds of pictures to pick just the right ones to add to the video. My daughter was also involved one morning in helping look at pics and making choices, and we were amazed to see not only how young her and her brother WERE, but how young the adults in their lives LOOKED.

Of course their father and I both looked young and we were back then. :o) The hard part was seeing pictures of my parents who were so healthy and vibrant just 20 years ago. Those 20 years have taken their toll on both of them, and I never realized the sadness I would feel looking at those old pictures.

I am just 20 years younger than my mom, so those pictures brought home just how much could CHANGE in 20 years, and how harsh those changes can be. It has made me more aware of the fact that I really do need to embrace every day, enjoy my children and grandchildren more by spending more time with them, and appreciating my friends who make life changes so easy to muddle through....

Until next time....

Kim

Oh and one last thought on changes...... this video project will be soooo much easier to do for the grandkids in 20 years since everything is digital these days. NO SCANNING....that would have been a treat.

PROOF POSITIVE

NOW I know where my stubborn personality comes from.... Could it be mom..... could it be dad.....well, low and behold comes from both sides, so I am destined to remain stubborn until the day God takes me home. :o)

I am at home in Ohio this week tending to work, kids, dogs and grandkids here and the farm sprung a water leak. BIG TIME...... during the last few days since the last reading of the meter 700 gallons of water went somewhere..... WHERE??? no one knows as it is NOT in the house and NOT evident outside.....Nothing can be done by water company as the leak is between the meter and the house (WHATEVER), so a plumber has been called but will not be there until 7 AM Monday morning....

Oh and one more thing... the power is off... But never fear, Mr Generator is here....thanks to God that they FINALLY after 24 years of farm living splurged on a permanent generator several months ago....
So this is where the stubborn attitude REARED its ugly head...... I offered to come to West Virginia to bring them back here.. A short 2 hour drive that they both REFUSED to let me do. Let me see, "it is too far to come, stupid to do that, it is only til Monday"... Can't remember all the other reasons it would not work. My brother mentioned a Hotel.... I can just hear the expletives used by my dad on THAT suggestion.

So two very ill late in life adults feel just happy as clams staying in the house with generator power only, and no water.......

Don't worry, I know they will survive it as I left quite a few bottles of bottled water there..... my aunt is dropping by a few jugs to 'flush the toilet' and I guess baths and dish washing will be held off til Monday.

BREATHE KIM BREATHE....

So, I will keep you posted on the saga..........

Until next time....

Kim

Reconnecting.....

and why do we spend so much time running around in our busy lives, forgetting to stop and smell the roses..... and hang with our friends. Notice I didn't say stop any smell our friends and hang out with the roses......

Seems I am REALLY out of it when I am off in WV with no cell service and only texting, facebook and email to connect with my friends. As a friend said to me "it just isn't the same as talking". She went on to say that when you hear someone's voice you can really tell how they are feeling or how they are holding up with whatever it is that life is tossing their way.....

So I have spent the last two nights catching up with friends. It is nice to sit and enjoy dinner and / or an adult beverage and be interested in someone else's life. While helping my parents is rewarding in it's own way, there is nothing like the sound of your friends voices and laughter.......

Ask any of my friends and they will tell you I am a busy person...and I don't say no too often unless I already have other plans, but I have spent the last month saying no alot. I seem to relish being alone, not to wallow in self pity, but to enjoy the quiet, enjoy the fact there is only me to be responsible for........to enjoy my 2 dogs.....

But the last two nights have taught me I still need the connection of friends... more than just email and facebook.....and texting just doesn't cut it..... What a smart friend it was that brought that up....:o)

Until next time....

Kim

AHHHHHHH HOME SWEET HOME

I have heard from a couple friends worried that something may be wrong since I did not post yesterday so thought I better stop by. I will probably not get a chance to post every day while there, but will definitely post anything significant.....and hopefully will stop in a couple times while in my own home before going back to the farm. So........

Back at my little condo and so happy to be here. I go between guilt for leaving mom and dad and guilt for being happy and comfy at home.

Dad was having a bad morning with a low grade temp when I left. I know they say this is to be expected, but is still a source of worry. I know it really bothers mom when he is not having a good day. Watching her with dad (her partner for the last 53 years) and seeing the pain and worry on her face, is always difficult.

I take comfort that Dr. Sara is there - not sure if I have mentioned her - she is a neighbor who was also mom and dad's doctor before she retired. She stops by when my brother and I aren't there to check blood sugars, temps and making sure meds are up to date. She really is a God send and is kind of like a surrogate daughter to them. HMMMM guess I now have a sister.... :o)

So until next time.....

Kim

God doesn't call the equipped.......

...... He equips the called..... I have heard that soooo many times at Emmaus Gatherings and Emmaus weekends, and in church on Sunday, but I never knew how very true it was until the last few weeks.

I have been called before and I have been equipped......

I have been on a mission trip to New Orleans, 9 months after Hurricane Katrina, and God equipped me with the mental and physical strength to overcome my TERRIBLE fear of bugs, as well as my allergy to HARD LABOR!!!! How tired and how fulfilled at the end of every day.

Then last year, I spent 2 weeks on a mission trip at Birchwood Camp in Alaska, where I was part of a 20+ team from Ohio that helped build this new multi purpose log cabin on property at the camp.

Ever wonder how heavy an 8 foot or a 10 foot, or YES a 14 foot log weighs????? PRETTY DOG GONE HEAVY - take it from me. So, God stepped in and made sure that we were ALL equipped for whatever was asked for us on that job site.

So now, here I am again, being equipped by one who knows I am MUCH stronger than I think I am. I am learning the hard way about how Diabetes can ravage a body. I am also learning the tremendous pain that cancer can cause. Things I never thought I would be doing or even be capable of doing, are being taught to me by 2 very loving (even tho sometimes impatient and grouchy) parents who taught me a lot more wonderful things when I was young.

But now, God is once again stepping in and giving me patience and strength and yes the ability to actually give insulin shots to my parents.... Don't get me wrong, I really don't like stabbing them in the finger to get a glucose reading and then sticking them again with that nasty needle, but I am learning and I am growing thru this experience.

So I lift my hands and thank the Almighty God for the love, the grace, and the blessings that I am receiving and feeling each and every day that I spend here...... and for equipping me for this journey.

Until next time.....

K

Who would have thunk it.......

that a 5 hour day of lab tests and chemo could be such fun... and I really learned alot about myself today....more on that later.

Dad tolerated the chemo extrememly well. Other than the long day that is...... some of his stats aren't great so more meds to take....some by shot, some by pills and will wait til next week to see what else they will throw into his daily med cocktail.

Was fun to explore the hospital where mom worked for about 30 years and to trust that even tho she does not see very well anymore (another thing that can be blamed on Diabetes0 she sure remembers her way around the place. I mean REALLY, we went around and down and up and every which way... If  she had left me in a hall somewhere, I would have actually had to exit the hospital to walk around the perimeter to find my way back to the chemo den.......

So on to what I learned about me.... well and my brother... we are both HORRIBLE drivers.... we pull out of the driveway too fast... pull into parking spots too fast....start the car out too fast after stop signs and stop lights.... Now the reason I know my brother does the same thing is that dad told me SEVERAL TIMES that 'you and Chip both do that'....

 HMMMMM so I asked Dad "I wonder who taught us to drive" and he blamed it on the Driver's Ed teachers....

Well, I wish I could remember those teachers names so I could find them and give them a piece of my mind.....Here I am getting griped at 35 years after I took the lousy class... :o)

Oh and I also learned that if I give someone a normal size glass of Pepsi instead of a ginormous one.....then I am cheating the person outta of more Pepsi... GO FIGURE!!!!

Until next time.

Kim

A quiet evening....

for relaxing and swing time on the yard swing. Very humid but temp was great to sit out with mom and just chat. She wanted to show me something so we walked down to the barn and LOW AND BEHOLD....there were ripe berries on the vines.... NOW, if mom could still talk, she would have been able to tell me EXACTLY what type berries they were... I am thinking black raspberries as I think the blackberries will ripen a little later.....

Now it was quite a prickly adventure to find ripe ones as birds scarf up the ripe ones as fast as they can. I had to dig down under the brush a little to find ones out of the birds reach...There were just a small handful so enough for a small treat for my mom...... so went on a further berry picking adventure a little farther up in the field, but a sudden movement in the brush sent me high tailing it out of there and back to the house.

So, on the dad front. He is bordering on pneumonia per the doctor. Not great breath sounds, low grade fever and coughing. Started him on an antibiotic last night as well as starting a 2nd injectable insulin tonight. I draw the needles for him and mom and mom does the shots..... WHEW  don't think I am ready for that yet....still trying to get over JABBING them so often to check glucose levels....

Tomorrow is the 2nd chemo date so will see how he does on it. He did fairly well for first dose, tho he gets nauseus every afternoon about 4 or 4:30. I am going to get him to take the anti-nasuea med mid afternoon starting tomorrow instead of him waiting til it hits.

I will check in tomorrow after chemo if time.......

Until next time....

Kim

Back on the farm......

where peace and quiet abound, and the birds seem to wake up a LOT earlier than the ones in Ohio. HMMM, wonder if that is my imagination or if the WV birds do have a lot more pep in their step, and tweets from their beaks than the ones I am used to....

But I digress..... Dad comes and goes with how he is feeling. He usually has a period of nauseousness every evening and very weak. But then he rebounds and mornings are good.

The doctor says his breath sounds are not good so trying to run a fan in the room with him in order to chill him some. Doctor states that with a chill, it helps patients breathe better. Breathe better MAYBE, create a grumpier dad.....DEFINITELY!!!! I swear he complained for over an hour about trying to warm up.... Isn't that what blankets are for? So we found an old fan that has a very low setting so he has decided to let us try that one... Crossing fingers and praying that will be just enough air to help with breathing but not enough to create the icicles he swears were hanging from his nose this morning.

On to the sugar problems. The VERY expensive diabetes pills are not doing the trick so they added in one insulin on Thursday and now since that isn't enough, will start him on a second tonight.

The up side to all of this is the education I am getting each and every moment I am with mom and dad.

The BEST part of being here is getting to know my parents all over again. Not the mom and dad that were so MEAN when I was a teen... you know the one that gave me curfews or grounded me for the stupidest stuff; or the mom and dad that were wonderful grandparents to my 2 kids...the ones that would tolerate the kids for weeks on end during the summers when the kids wanted to live the farm life....; and not the mom and dad (mostly mom) that was my very best friend for years while my kids were growing, the ones I laughed with and talked with so many times every week.... It was a wonderful thing when they stopped charging for EVERY long distance call as there were way too many to count.....; NO, I am getting to know mom and dad as they are now..... 2 people that have been together for 52 years of some really great highs and some really hard lows. The people they became from the 52 years of hard work both in life and in their marriage has created two wonderful older folks that are a joy to know....

I am blessed to have this time with them to reconnect and fall back in love with them in a totally different way.

Until next time.....

Kim

Update....

Going between fun posts and serious ones may or may not be easy for me as I pretty much try to use humor in all situations in my life. HEY, it is better than jumping out a window on the 33rd floor at work right????

The update on my dad is ...... today is a good day. He goes between good days and bad...sometimes good hours and bad. The first VERY long chemo session was 2 days ago and he made it through the dreaded 24-36 hour bad time that was predicted. He even spent yesterday walking around outside on the farm with my brother, which is the most he has done since his diagnosis.

I also know my mother is having good days now too as she is "yep yepping" all over the place and ordering my brother around. When talking to dad on the phone, I heard a chainsaw in the backgroud, so I am sure that mom was leading by brother around and having him cut off more limbs....

Oh well, next week, I will be back there helping out with whatever they are needing done in the evenings after a day spent on the work computer.......and my brother will be the one hearing me working in the background.

Until next time.

Kim

A little gem - my diamond in the rough.....

...and I mean REALLY rough. FINALLY something to start thinking about to get some creative juices flowing again. While staying with mom and dad last week, I realized that something was up on the table dad was using to house his drink of choice - nothing fun, just Pepsi or tea - and using as his dinner table, and his med table.... I noticed the veneer peeling due to the added moisture and way too much use, so I told mom we should move it out and get him something much more able to handle the wear and tear....

We moved the table to another room to dry out a little... Well, I NEVER dreamed that they would ask me if I would like to adopt the cute little thing and help bring it back to some of its original glory. WOW, REALLY???? I jumped at the chance.

So I brought my new little gem home to be a fun project to get started on soon. This may just be the diversion I need from the stress of working from mom and dads house every other week for at least the forseeable future.

And look at these cute little claw feet.....aren't they adorable???? UH OH!!!!! NOW WHAT????  I have to research what I need to do to make this table presentable for moving from the garage to inside the condo.

I am working to add cottage touches to the place now while slowly moving the last 30 years of traditional stuff OUT..... So I think this little guy will look PERFECT in the house... NOW, where do I put it.... the bedroom, the family room....

AHHHH I digress.... I better get started and get it cleaned up, glued (does anyone have a clamp I can borrow?) sanded, primed, painted, then roughed up just enough to fit in.

I will provide progress reports on here-now to move from procrastinator Kim to DOER Kim.....

Until next time.

K

A View from the Swing

Relaxation is much needed at this time with the stress of taking care of mom, who cannot talk, and has a very short fuse....something she never had before the stroke. She also can be unkind as well as selfish, again both new traits in her personality.

Dad was always a curmudgeon so that is no different....:o)

I thought I would show a pic of the view from the swing outside.  This is where I go when things get too rough inside. There have a been a few cool evenings so relaxing and meditative to sit out there and watch the world go by... Well, not so much the world as the chipmunks, rabbits and plethora of birds. Still waiting on my first hummingbird sighting of the season tho.

Another trip into town for dad's radiation today and then back to finish a long day of work. It is more of a struggle to work and deal with my parents than I ever dreamed. The work day seems so long as I have to take so many breaks to tend to their needs.

But selfishness cannot creep in right now, there will be many years when I can take selfish ME breaks....for now I will deal with this bump in the path God has put me on and hang on for the ride.

Until next time....

K