Good morning to all of you that follow me and to those that are just stopping by. I have been having a lot of sadness about all that has happened in my life these last two years. If you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you I am an upbeat, happy gal. And I am - most of the time. During those other times, I am very good at playing the part.
It has been almost 2 years since my father's cancer diagnosis. 5 months later he was gone. I was blessed to have him spend one week in my home before his last hospitalization, to hear the stories of his life-the ones I was always too busy to listen to before. I was a busy kid, then a way too busy for parents teen, then I went away to college, then came being a self absorbed newlywed and finally a busy mom. I was preoccupied with my own life and didn't really care about what my dad had been through to make him the person he was. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad, but he wasn't really the hands on, get down and play with his kids kinda guy. I never felt that close to him.
"The Greatest Man I Never Knew", sung by Reba McEntire, always reminded my of my relationship with my dad. I just listened to it again, and I still feel it tells so much about how I always felt about my dad. Why it made me envy what some of my friends had in a relationship or closeness with their own fathers. I will put the lyrics at the end of this post if you would like to read them. It may give you more insight into what I felt growing up.
During that last week when he was with me, before the cancer took away his clear thoughts, and before his last hospitalization, I learned alot about my dad. About his days in the army, his years playing American Legion baseball, and many others stories I had never heard before. And then he was gone. I do regret not knowing more while dad was alive but I can say that it taught me a lot about the relationship I want to have with my own children.
We are a close family and I will do all I can to continue that loving relationship. I don't want my children to ever have the regrets I do. We share information about our lives. We talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly. What makes us happy, and ticks us off, and has us a little down. Sometimes I am sure they are thrilled to hear from me. Sometimes.....not so much. But I want them to know me for who I really am instead of waiting until it is too late for my adult childred to get to know me. I want them to know I love them.
Next up...... some regrets about my mom.
Until next time....
The Greatest Man I Never Knew
The greatest man I never knew
Lived just down the hall
AND EVERY DAY WE SAID HELLO
But never touched at all
He was in his paper
I was in my room
How was I to know he thought I hung the moon
The greatest man I never knew
Came home late every night
He never had too much to say
Too much was on his mind
I never really knew him
And now it seems so sad
Everything he gave to us took all he had
Then the days turned into years
And the memories to black and white
He grew cold like an old winter wind
Blowing across my life
The greatest words I never heard
I guess I'll never hear
The man I thought could never die
S'been dead almost a year
He was good at business
But there was business left to do
He never said he loved me
Guess he thought I knew